#3 AibellFeaire

If this were a video blog site we would know the sound of each others voices, how different bloggers hold themselves when they speak, what each blogger's common facial expressions and mannerisms are, and so forth.  But Xanga is a written blog site and so after we've followed someone's Xanga site for awhile we use what we've come to know about them from their writings to start to fill in the blanks that we cannot see and hear with our senses.  We start to imagine what they might sound like.  How they might laugh.  How often they may smile.  I don't even think it's done consciously, but I bet we all do it for the people we keep up with the most.  The one's we never get to see in animated version.

I have been following AibellFeaire's site (link) for many months now.  I love her site.  She comes across in Xanga's two dimensional realm as someone I would love in person.  A cool, smooth, confident person.  Her site promises depth to her personality as she writes on a wide variety of topics.  But Xanga's 2 dimensions are limited ....

so after awhile I filled in her blanks.

I imagined her to have a wonderfully easy to listen to, almost professional sound to her speaking voice.  I gave her a "quick to flash a winning smile" mannerism.  In my mind's eye she is the type that makes easy conversation and is very likeable.

The first time I ever saw XangaLiveTV the person (I won't name her) came across to me as very silly and attention starved.  She may not be silly and attention starved in person (although she did take off all her clothes and dance for her audience, so who knows) but after seeing this person in 3D I was less interested in her 2D Xanga site.

So when I read the announcement that AibellFaeire was holding a XangaLiveTV I hesitated, hoping this wouldn't be a repeat experience.  I didn't want AibellFaeire to be giggly or one dimensional.  I wanted her to match my imagination so I could be proud of my skill at filling in the blanks and so I could continue to love her 2D site.

With trepidation I clicked over and watched.  Jackpot!  She not only matched my imagination, she surpassed it.  She does have an easy, winning smile!  She is completely poised and smart!  She doesn't giggle incessantly, and she is very cool.  YAY!  I had filled in the blanks correctly.

Do you think you fill in the blanks for your favorite Xangan's 3-dimensional traits well?

AIBELLFEAIRE'S RESPONSE:
First of all, this is... incredibly flattering and sweet, and I'm not just a little honored to be chosen for this, not to mention having something this kind said about me. I'm glad that I didn't disappoint you, and that you like me, especially because I follow your blog with a lot of interest and look forward to all of your comments on my own.

I am also very glad that I do not giggle. =)

Thank you for this, Lena, you brought a smile to my face. And I'm sure it's not just me for whom you do that. =D

Why don't you write about your daughter, Sixteen, as much as you write about your other two kids, Thirteen and Nine? - many of you have asked. 

It is not for lack of things on my mind and in my heart concerning her.  There are just as many funny, endearing and frustrating stories about her I could write, but I feel more protective of her privacy since she's older.  Also she was here before me.  On Xanga that is.  She and her friends all used Xanga when they were in middle school like they use facebook now.  She still checks in occasionally, as do a few of her friends, and I believe I would catch a lot of slack if what I wrote didn't meet her approval. 

But don't worry folks.  I love her to pieces and I shudder each and every times I let myself contemplate the fact that she's only with me for another 1.5 years before she leaves for college.  Just writing that last sentence brought serious tears to me eyes.

My first born 16 year old baby doll is the one on the right.

(Scroll to the end for race update)

When my son, Nine, was in the first grade they had a fun run to raise money for his school.  Out of about 120 kids in his grade he finished all the laps first.  More than 50% of the kids didn't even finish.  Every time he would come around us my husband and I would remark to each other, "That's probably the last one, right there."  But the little guy kept going.  And going.  And going.  And he finished first!  (His best friend finished second!)

 
First and second!  (November 2007)

Then last year, when he was in the second grade I told him the morning of the run, "Now Nine, DON'T worry about coming in first.  Just have fun!"  To which he responded, "Don't worry mom, I've got this."  Little stinker!  But he did.  He came in first out of over 120 kids again!  It was crazy!  It was shocking!  It was exciting!

Now he's in the 3rd grade and today is the day of the run.  BUT I CAN'T GO .  I have a meeting at 10:00, the exact time of the run, that I can't get out of (then one at 2:00 and another at 5:00).  Sometimes working sucks.  But his daddy will be there with the video camera.  And I'll be there in heart!

I'll let you all know how he does.

UPDATE
They did it differently this year.  Every third grade classroom started from a different point on the makeshift track.  Hubby said Nine came in first in his class of 25 by a landslide, but it was impossible to say whether he was first overall.  Rats!  I guess I was looking forward to knowing where he ran as compared to the whole 120. 
Buddy, I will attempt to figure out how to get the video from the camera to my Xanga site.  I might have to enlist the help of teenagers.  They're much better at that technical stuff than I am.  Hubby says he got some footage of Nine's teacher doing a silly happy dance without her knowing too.  I'll post that as well.  HEHEEEEE!

Cheesebadger

I don't know exactly how I found his site, but there he was, seriously misleading the public.  Something about Roy Orbison and "Crying" with no mention that KD Lang sings it better.  But I set him straight. 

Ha!  "Set him straight."  If you knew him, you would know just how funny that is.  Adam is 21 and holds very definite opinions, he's not easily persuaded out of them, and he lets you know what they are in his no-holds-barred comments.   That's why I enjoy him so much!

WARNING! 
EXAMPLE'S OF ADAM'S COMMENTS BELOW - PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

I once wrote a post about my 13 year old daughter deciding to go to a party even though no one else was going because the birthday girl was weird (link).  Adam commented:

"I may be biased but most little girls are mean little bitches, and thats the reason they don't go to peoples parties. The fact that your daughter went means shes gonna be one of the cooler people later in life, instead of just another one of those goddamn cunts. Your husband may be right, but not for the reason you'd think, you know?"

In a post I wrote about myself starting to use facebook (link) Adam commented:

Some people would be turned off by his harsh language, but it doesn't bother me.  It's just how he talks.  I LOVE the fact that he gives me his honest reactions from his perspective that's so different from mine. 

At first glance the Cheesebadger might come across like this:

But stick with him and over time you'll discover Adam - very endearing, very appraochable, in no way ordinary:
  

He reminds me of what it was like to be 21 figuring out what's next in life.  More school?  A job?  So many important life decisions.  A few weeks ago I asked him this question - "What are you good at?"

He responded, "Everytime I have a passion for something, working on it makes it a chore for me, and sucks my enjoyment out of it." 

I tend to agree with him.  Adam's a very talented fiction writer (if you like blood and guts, sci-fi and other rough fiction you'll love his xanga sites: link and link, and here's a recent story he wrote that involved a lot of Xanga users: link) but I don't know about trying to make a living as a writer though.  It seems like on Xanga alone every second blogger is talking about some book they're working on with hopes of getting published.  Even if you are very talented, the competition must be fierce, not to mention the fact that writing a book to be published might make the process of writing a total chore.  So what do you think?

Is it still good advice to tell someone to take what they're passionate about and figure out a way to make money at it?  Or does making a job out of your passion more often than not, suck the enjoyment out of it?

CHEESEBADGER's UNEDITED RESPONSE:

First off, Roy Orbison is a fucking golden god. Nobody can touch him. People have tried. His moon vision annihilated them, and he wrote a song about it. I think it was "moon river". Anyhow,as far as my language goes, it's pretty much a side effect of living with my family. My father in particular, was a very big influence on me, and his use of language, idioms and mannerisms i've adopted pretty heavily. It's the reason why I end up swearing so much, but also why I tend to use dated colloquialisms and occasionally find myself speaking some words in a slight mid-western drawl. (Him being from Wisconsin originally, I always end up saying the word "Curds" instead of "Cards", "Currs/Cars" and an excessive use of the word "There".)

My swearing has gotten me in trouble before, at school for obvious reasons, but mostly in public. I end up swearing a lot in front of children, accidentally. Sometimes not so accidentally. I kinda get a kick out of pushing uppity parents buttons, because they're just fucking noises that come out of our mouths to communicate thoughts. Which is kinda weird when you think about it, because it's almost like a form of telepathy. Who decides what words mean what and how? We just both agree that "Dog" means small furry four legged animal that barks? But I say it and you somehow know what I'm thinking. Swear words are the same, only given arbitrary profane connotations. Fuck... where was I going with this?

Anyway,as for my writing, it's more than often a release for the amazing amount of bullshit I deal with in my life. I'm a pretty empathic person and end up taking far too much to heart that I know I shouldn't but still end up doing anyway. It's something i'm dealing with, but it tends to show in my writing, twitters or pulses. More often than not my pulses, because not too many people who actually know me read my pulse, and i'm a fairly reserved person with my emotions. At least in real life. That bothers me sometimes, that I can be more open with strangers than my best friends, but that's a whole other post, and one not easily written.

As for my future with my writing, I plan to keep it as the outlet it is. I don't think I have the talent to write anything serious, and continuing anything beyond a few paragraphs is tantamount to climbing Mt. Everest for me, in terms of stamina and creativity.

Little girls are still mean bitches though.

[Hell, I also gotta say, i'm surprised you didn't mention the first set of comments I left on your site, defending a younger drinking age, and early age indoctrination of drinking as a healthy and reasonable alternative to letting kids figure it out for themselves, (with potentially dangerous results.) {link}]

PS:  You're right Adam.  I think our exchange on teenage drinking is what sealed the deal.  I knew you were someone I had to keep up with. 

Last night my 13 year old daughter and her friend, Emily, approached me as I was in the kitchen cleaning.  They both were very mad and animated.  

13:  "Mom!  B__ has had my shorts and shirt for a year now and she won't give them back even though I keep asking her for them.  AND she wore them to school today!  I'm so sick of it!"

EMILY:  "AND she has some of my clothes too that she won't return!"

13:  "AND she has Brooke's Vera Bradley backpack.  Brooke is pissed because she won't give that back either!"

ME:  "Hold on.  Hold on!" 

I cut them off because for some reason the solution came to me instantly, just like my standing instantaneous decision to grab a handful when in the presence of M&Ms (the perfect snack for all occasions).

ME:  "Here's what you do.  Go on her facebook and leave her a public message on her wall.  Politely ask her to return the clothes.  

13:  "Okay!" 

They started to run off to the computer, but I yelled at them in their mad dash to the computer...

ME:  "...Oh and Thirteen!  DO NOT SEND IT until I've seen what you've written.  You hear me?"

13:  "Okay mooooom. Gooooosh!"

This is what she put on B___'s facebook wall:

"B___,
Please return my Holister shirt and navy blue shorts that you borrowed over a year ago...you know, the ones you wore to school yesterday.
Thank you,
Thirteen"

I gave my approval and she sent it.  Then she told me that B___ had pictures of herself on facebook that she's posted over the last year in which she is wearing Thirteen's shirt and shorts.  I told her, "Find those pictures and comment them now.  Say 'This is the shirt and shorts I was referring to.' " 

She did that as well.

Then I told Thirteen that she is to do nothing else.  "Nothing!  If she gives you the clothes back, fine.  If she doesn't, I don't want you to do or say another thing."

13:  "But MOM!  That's not fair.  She can't just keep my clothes!"

ME:  "What you've just done is use a subtle little public embarrassment technique.  She's just a kid making bad decisions.  You've tried to persuade her privately for a year so hopefully this little public persuasion wises her up and changes her unacceptable behavior before she loses friends."

13:  "But what if she still doesn't give me my clothes back?"

ME:  "Take it as a sign of her character and decide whether you still want to hang out with her."

So what do you think?  Is using facebook to publicly expose and embarrass someone for theft acceptable?